Lessons from Insecure by Violet Kadzura and Phumuzile Mabasha


As avid TV watchers, Violet and I usually do postmortems ,as she calls them, of our favorite shows so this is a little something about how we felt about season 2 of Insecure.  Here are 10 lessons about what were learnt from Insecure

If You Need Therapy, Don’t Quit

Molly, Molly, Molly…she was strong enough to overcome the initial fear of getting the help she needed, only to abandon it when she was inevitably challenged. She was likely to make bad decisions, but if she had done the work - the Dro situation wouldn’t have gone as far as it did, and she could have handled the news about her parents differently. Therapy is hard work, it dredges up some of your deepest insecurities and demons. It’s painful at first, but on the other side a stronger, peaceful and healed you is promised. Don’t let the hard work of therapy spook you into missing out on the happiness you seek.

Don’t Go for Less Than What You Want

For as long as we’ve known Molly, she’s wanted the right relationship - and as misguided as her efforts have been - we can all relate to wanting to find Mr Right and fumbling at it spectacularly. Imagine our collective dismay when the girl who’s been looking for the right thing, falls into a relationship with someone who will never be able to give her all she wants. No matter how good her chemistry with Dro is, his heart belongs to his wife and all Molly was setting herself up for is hurt and disappointment.

There’s Nothing Wrong with Being Traditional

Molly threw herself into an open relationship, and she deeply questioned it because it isn’t what she was built for. We live in the era of polyamory and open relationships but someone like Molly clearly wants something more traditional, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Be okay with the kind of love you want and don’t settle for less.

What Looks Right on Paper Won’t Always be For You

Lionel was great, but not right for Molly. Sometimes the people that tick off the standard checklist aren’t what we really need. This taught me that the right person won’t always be the most perfect one and that’s tough for Molly because she’s so set on perfection. The quest for perfection can hold you back if you’re not careful

Your Parents are Human

When we’re young we put our parents on pedestals and are completely blinded to the fact that they make mistakes. This view usually fades as we get older, and makes way for a real relationship with them. Very often you’ll find out things you didn’t want to know, and while they shake us, it shouldn’t change who our parents are to us. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, even when it’s your parents. Accepting this will take away a lot of our misery.


There are so many things to learn from the utter mess that is Lawrence Walker (yes I had to add his surname) but the number one thing is accountability. Accountability and Lawrence do not go hand and hand. It is like oil and water. I understand Lawrence’s hurt and anger about Issa infidelity but he also did not see the part he played in the demise of their relationship. Even after Derek pointed it out to him as why Daniel would come off more attractive it seems he just does not get it. The whole thing with Tasha was also a disaster because he just could not be honest or take the responsibility of the fact that he did lead her on. Lawrence inability to take accountability for his feelings ,finds him destroying any women in his path while he is trying to sort himself out. What frustrates me is when he is confronted about this he is either passive aggressive or has nothing to say. It is super annoying. I can understand why most people believe he is a “fuckboy” because he behaviour is so damn frustrating.

A change of perspective

Molly is just a hot mess but I think her biggest failing is her deep inability to be open - minded. What I mean by that is she, like me and many others, has a view as what she SHOULD do. Who she SHOULD date. Where she SHOULD work. As her therapist pointed out she has a certain view of what her life SHOULD look like. This view narrows many things down for her. She could go to a better firm where she will be valued. Molly would definitely not be bamboozled into a situation by Dro or treated as a sidepiece. I believe if she changes her perspective she has a better opportunity of growing and putting herself in healthier situations.


My girl Rihanna famously said “didn’t they tell you I was a savage” well for Issa that is far from the truth. Issa cannot hoe to save her life . All season we’ve seen Issa try and fail at her hoetation. It was awkward and very cringeworthy. The biggest lesson I learnt from this is not everyone is built for hoeing or hoetation and that’s cool. There is no shame in someone who is just likes being in a monogamous relationship. In my opinion, Issa thinks hoeing will make her get over Lawrence easier. This last episode definitely showed that she is not over him. Issa has stressed it many times that it's her time to be a hoe which is fair but she’s terrible at it. An factor to this failed hoetation is that we currently live in a society where casual sex is expected and we all have adhere to it. This is wrong and misleading because not everyone is built for casual sex. 

Being Black in White America

I think as a Black person, some of us are on the edge  being in white spaces. Some more than others but it's a genuine fear. Insecure demonstrates the dilemma of being Black in White America time and time again. Molly’s discovery of being underpaid and undervalued at her law firm brought in that age old issue black woman gender equal pay gap. What was disheartening was how her bosses dismissed her when it came to a pay increase. It really showed that they do not value her as an employee. Lawrence storyline also illustrated the perils of the diversity hire. This hit home with me because I know so many people who have been employed for this reason. It is soul crushing experience because you are there to be seen not heard.


OMG, Insecure has pushed the boundaries with sex. It’s hectic and times so damn hilarious. TV rarely gives a very realistic portrayal of sex. Sex is many things. It can be amazing, empowering, awkward, cringeworthy and plain disrespectful. Insecure ticked every box when it comes to the portrayal of sex. I love Issa Rae and co for that. There is a mature understanding of what sex is and the consequences that comes with it. Other than Girls, Insecure has given us a great and accurate portrayal of sex. The situations that Lawrence and Issa found themselves in had me either clutching my fake pearls for dear life or rolling on the floor. Wow the threesome and blowjob instance had me shook.